There’s a curious compulsion within the American conservative movement to classify everything as either “conservative” or “liberal”, much like the Daily Mail’s attempts to order the natural world into things which cause cancer, and those which do not. Mostly one finds – unexpectedly, of course – that “good” things (Mom, apple pie, whichever film is most critically acclaimed at the time of writing) are conservative, and “bad” things (syphilis, plagues of locusts, BBC Three) are liberal. But really whatever is most conservative is usually that which it is tactically expedient to claim as conservative.

It’s kind of like cheerleading – prurient, unseemly, and irrelevant to the matter at hand – and it reached its’ apogee in literal cheerleading for John McCain’s campaign, where everything, from the financial crisis, to McCain not remembering how many houses he had, to being continually behind Obama in the polls, was “good news for John McCain”.

The peerless Roy Edroso links to one such attempt, with the National Review’s Charlotte Hays claiming that:

“The blizzard is definitely a force for conservatism”

Cold, potentially deadly, and mostly wind?

and not only because it has had the global-warming crowd scrambling for explanations.

Oh, of course. It’s always nice when someone says something this bone-shatteringly stupid (weather is not climate, and you cannot generalise conditions in one area to the whole world). It acts as your own personal filter; if they believe that, then it’s likely much of what they believe will probably be nonsense. This is a little unfair, but in a world where there is vast trenches of information waiting to be dredged, you need some shortcuts. Otherwise you’re just going to be bringing up a lot of muck, and precious little brass.

But wait! There’s more than just boiler-plate climate change baiting here:

The blizzard reveals something basic:  Liberals in government want to tell us what to eat, counsel us about how and when to die, and in general attempt to engineer our lives. But when reality knocks, they can’t do the basic stuff such as clearing the streets so that newborns don’t die in bloody apartment-building lobbies. Mayor Bloomberg may be receiving an unfair amount of criticism for his lackluster [sic] performance in coping with Mother Nature, given the almost unprecedented nature of the storm, but the unplowed city streets provide a metaphor for the nanny state: It can order us to do anything, but it can’t take care of the basic obligations of government.

It is a compelling philosophical argument against liberalism that it cannot save everyone all the time, apparently. It is also responsible for unforeseen extremes of weather. Despite the storm being “almost unprecedented” and criticism against Bloomberg being “unfair”, liberalism, by not using its’ Power Ring or X-Ray Vision or supreme, omnipotent clairvoyance, killed a newborn baby, because it’s spending money on poor people and safety at work and other useless fripperies. You can’t have road gritting services and unemployment benefits, apparently. That would just be ridiculous.

But at least a child is dead! It’s good news for conservatism!